Five Times Someone Walked in on Jack & Ianto and One Time Nobody Did
by Heart Full of Elves
Summary: The title says it all. Obligatory 5 1 things fic. Huge shout-out to Shinichi17CP for beta-ing!


_Note: This took me a long time to write and craft, but I think it's ready to be posted now. And unlike most of my other fics, it actually deserves its M rating! (Probably.) One of the lines I blatantly stole from my favourite book series, The Mortal Instruments, though I can't remember which book it's from. Contains spoilers for series 1 and 2 and Doctor Who episodes The Stolen Earth and Journey's End. Anyway, enjoy._

* * *

**I.**

Jack had just returned to the hub after going weevil hunting with Owen, and despite the lateness of the hour, most of the team were still there. Never one to do overtime, Owen had gone straight home after subduing their second weevil. Jack took off his coat to inspect the damage. Buttons had come off during a wrestle with one of the aliens, the left sleeve was torn, and the collar drenched in blood. He sighed.

"Ianto?" he called the Welshman into his office. "Can you get this dry-cleaned, please?"

Without a word, Ianto took the coat and frowned. "I think it needs a bit more than a dry-clean, sir," he pointed out. "Is this your blood or the weevil's?" he murmured under his breath.

Jack ignored the question. "Yeah, well, whatever it takes to restore it to its former glory will be worth it."

Ianto agreed with a small smile, running a hand over the fabric. "It is a beautiful coat."

"It's authentic, too."

"I'm sure it is."

"Expensive."

"I can believe that."

"And it attracts gorgeous young men."

Ianto blushed. "I don't…I'm not…Uh," he stammered in a fluster.

Jack smirked. The other man's fetish for his coat was so obvious – had been that way ever since they'd met. "Keep telling yourself that. One of these days I'm going to come back from the toilet and find you sitting in my chair with your hand around your cock, the coat wrapped around your shoulders…"

"Careful - this is sexual harassment, sir," Ianto warned.

Jack paid him no attention. "And then I'm going to rip the coat off you, but I won't stop there. Oh no, I will strip you until the only clothing left on your body is your tie-"

The door to the office opened and in came Suzie. Either not noticing Ianto's bright red face, or noticing but not mentioning it, she announced that she was heading home.

"Home to yours or home to Owen's?" Jack ventured to ask.

Suzie shot him a menacing look. "That's none of your business, Jack."

"No, you're right, sorry." He didn't look apologetic, but he didn't appear overly inquisitive either. "See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Jack. Ianto," she acknowledged him with a nod.

When she was gone, Jack exhaled loudly and asked his companion, "Now, where was I?'

Ianto folded the coat over his arm. "I'd better go too. Good night, sir."

He all but fled.

**II.**

"Come _on_, Ianto, it'll be fun." Jack was trying to persuade Ianto into going for a drive with the team, but Ianto wasn't buying it.

"Last time you said that I nearly got eaten by cannibals." Ianto folded his arms, which was easier said than done in the smart red shirt he wore. He was putting his foot down.

"You need to get out of the city. A little fresh, countryside air will do you some good. You're much too pale." Jack did his puppy dog face, the one he pulled when asking Ianto for a coffee at a difficult time.

"Again, the last time you said that I was almost cannibalised."

"Hey, I rescued you, didn't I?"

"After you got Tosh and me into trouble in the first place."

"Ooh, I got you into trouble, did I?" Jack leered. "Tell you what, there's a sturdy desk here where I can get you into even more trouble."

"That's inappropriate, sir," Ianto huffed, rolling his eyes.

"Admit it, Ianto Jones – you _like_ it when I'm inappropriate," Jack sneered.

Ianto shuffled his feet; he didn't reply.

For the next few minutes Jack persisted in trying to get Ianto to go with the team, but Ianto still didn't budge. He had the strongest suspicion that this "drive in the country" was part of a mission that Jack wasn't telling him about. A mission that was, in all likelihood, rather dangerous.

"Well I'm not leaving you alone in the hub," Jack argued, "not after…"

"Not after Lisa," Ianto finished for him. He sighed. "Will I ever be able to earn your trust again, Jack?"

The captain almost started at Ianto's use of his name, but his expression didn't change. He ran his hand through his hair, thinking. "Maybe. I don't know." He shrugged, looking almost rueful. "I have my secrets too."

"I know," replied Ianto. "Working in the archives and you think I haven't noticed?" He didn't specify what it was that he hadn't failed to notice, but he was sure that Jack would know what he meant. Things such as Jack having worked for Torchwood for an insanely long time – much longer than any normal human lifespan – came to mind. "But you're not going to tell me, or the team, are you? You never change – you're always Captain Jack Enigmatic Harkness. And I don't trust you, either."

"Good," Jack muttered as an aside. "You shouldn't."

"I have so many questions and so does the team. But whenever one of us even tries to ask just one of them, you push us away, or brush it off with a laugh, and I'm sick of it." Ianto's voice had risen and now he was almost shouting. "You know everything about Gwen, and Tosh, and Owen, and me, but we know _nothing_ about you!"

"I can't tell you! You wouldn't believe me, or you'd call me a freak," Jack shouted back. "Trust me; you are better off not knowing!"

The office door opened and Owen strode in. "Jack, we're ready to go. The tranquillisers and oversized net are in the boot and the girls are waiting in the car. Judging from the shouting, I'd say you haven't managed to persuade Tea Boy yet?"

Seeing Ianto's expression in response to Owen's words, Jack replied, "Damn, I was doing so well - until you mentioned tranquillisers and a big net."

Ianto scoffed, and walked away.

**III.**

"That's ten minutes…and counting," Ianto had said.

He finished filling in Suzie's death certificate, hoping it was the last time he would have to do so. He also hoped that he wouldn't see another Risen Mitten or Life Knife, as he'd nicknamed the objects, ever again. Twice was quite enough, thank you.

Once his work in the morgue was done, he went back to the main part of the hub and took dirty coffee cups to the kitchen, cleaning up. Gwen, Owen, and Toshiko all left one by one, anxious to get home after an extremely stressful day. When ten minutes had passed, Ianto strolled up to Jack's office, loosening his tie and undoing a couple of buttons on his shirt as he did so. He took two deep breaths to calm his nerves; he may have been the one to put the idea in Jack's head, but that didn't make it any less daunting. The thought of getting it on with another man had never appealed to him before. In fact, he was pretty sure he was straight.

Straight, but he just happened to be attracted to Jack Harkness.

No big deal, right? Out of all the men he had met in his life, Jack was the only one he wanted to… What, exactly? He reached the office before that line of thought could be finished. To his surprise, the door was open, inviting him inside. He walked straight in and cleared his throat.

Jack was reclining in his chair, legs crossed over the table. He looked up when Ianto approached, and smirked. "You took your time. I thought we agreed on ten minutes."

Ianto took the stopwatch out of his pocket and consulted it. "Nine minutes and forty-eight seconds. I believe you'll find that I'm early."

Jack got up from his desk and crossed the room to where Ianto was standing. "Never too early for this," he smirked before latching his lips onto Ianto's. He pulled back after half a minute of attacking the younger man's mouth.

The Welshman looked stunned. "Wow," he breathed, blue eyes wide. "That was-"

"Yeah," replied Jack. "And that was just one short kiss. Now, start the clock and we'll see how long we can go without air."

Ianto started the stopwatch and set it on the desk before slipping his arms around Jack's waist. In turn, the older man rested his hands on the younger one's arse, bringing him in closer. This time it was Ianto who attached his lips to Jack's, and the kiss was hot and deep, tongues down throats, saliva exchanged. By the time they came up for oxygen, both were panting, gazing at each other through lust-heavy eyelids.

"Forty-four seconds," Ianto declared as he checked the stopwatch.

"That was rubbish. We can do better than that," Jack scoffed. "Reset it."

They stopped when they reached a record of one minute and two seconds, needing time to breathe, although it was hard to do when they could each feel that the other was, er, _hard._ They regarded each other in silence, Ianto for once not sure what to do, which made him uncomfortable. He knew _everything_, but he didn't know how to proceed in this moment. It was to his great relief that the silence didn't last long.

"How about," Jack suggested, "timing who can make the other come in their mouth the fastest?"

"I'm game. You can go first."

So Jack did. And if Ianto didn't think once about how he'd never entertained the thought of being sucked off by a man - especially not one this talented with his tongue – it was for the simple reason that it was so good he _couldn't_ think.

As he came down from his high, he realised it was possible that the only reason it felt so good was because he hadn't had sex in a long time. Not since Canary Wharf. It was his first non-self-administered orgasm in way too long.

When he was ready, he palmed Jack through his jeans and gave him a quick but dirty kiss. Then he set the stopwatch and had his turn. His mouth on Jack's cock made the older man writhe in pleasure, holding onto the desk with both hands. The captain called out words of encouragement that made Ianto work faster, and he could see that Jack was close. They were so concentrated on what they were doing that the sound of the proximity alarm and approaching footsteps went unnoticed.

"Sorry, I left my keys on – _Oh_," Tosh stopped, almost dropping her handbag as she took in the scene. Ianto was on his knees with Jack's cock in his mouth, Jack's hips thrusting back and forth against the desk. She reddened as the men looked over at her.

Jack helped Ianto up but manoeuvred him in front of himself to protect at least some of the woman's innocence. "Hi Tosh," they said by way of greeting, the cheer in their voices contrasting the guilt in their smiles.

"Uh, sorry… The door was open so I just assumed…" she stammered, not sure where to look. Keeping her eyes fixed on the floor, she shuffled over to Jack's desk and picked up her keys, which for some reason had been left there. "I think I'll just go…"

"Okay," Jack replied. "But could you maybe keep this to yourself? You know what gossips the others are." He winked.

Face still bright red, Tosh gave him the hastiest nod known to mankind, and fled.

Ianto looked at Jack. Jack looked at Ianto.

"Restart the clock?"

"Yep."

**IV.**

Tension had been high that day, due to Gwen and Toshiko's snooping and getting close to finding out about Flat Holm. Jack was adamant that the investigation stop there, while Ianto knew that Gwen would not and could not stop until she had answers. Which was why he had left the GPS on her desk: to speed up the process. He knew her too well.

The hub was dark and empty – everyone had gone for the night. Except Jack and Ianto. Jack had asked Ianto to stay tonight, which meant only one thing, and Ianto had agreed, feeling that it had been a while. So when the others had left he hadn't gone with them.

He was tidying up in the Hothouse, about to go looking for Jack, but his lover found him first, sneaking up behind him and slipping his arms around his waist.

Ianto yelped in surprise. "Jesus, you've got to stop doing that!"

"Actually, it's just me. Although I've been told the resemblance is startling."

Ianto knew that if he turned around he would see Jack's smirk. Instead, he leaned back into Jack's embrace and explained, "You gave me a fright." He turned his head so that his lover could see his pout.

"Sorry." Jack kissed him.

"It's creepy, sneaking up on people like that."

"Sorry," Jack apologised a second time and kissed him again.

"I'll forgive you if you promise not to do that again," Ianto said.

"I, Jack Harkness, solemnly swear to never again sneak up behind you." Jack's expression looked serious at first glance, but Ianto caught sight of the twinkle in his eyes that was a tell-tale sign of his amusement.

"Good enough," Ianto sighed, and twisted in Jack's arms.

Things escalated and before long they were both shirtless, bodies pressing up against each other. Jack took control, like he always did, and Ianto let him, like he always did. Jack ravaged Ianto's mouth, his tongue exploring it in its entirety with little mercy for the younger man's oxygen needs. Ianto grabbed Jack's hips, rubbing their still-clothed arousals together and getting off on the friction. They were both panting now, not just the Welshman, and were more than ready to unzip each other and get out the condoms and lube.

"Oh god, Jack," Ianto moaned, realising he couldn't hold off much longer.

"Hang on, my Ianto, this is good exercise. Let's test your stamina."

Ianto would have rolled his eyes, if he'd been able to in the state he was in. Jack had tested his stamina many times before, much to his bemusement. That was _not_ on Ianto's (long) list of uses for his stopwatch.

Wait, what had Jack called him? _My Ianto._ It was strange for such a thing to be spoken out loud – Jack wasn't _that_ possessive – but Ianto knew it was true. He was Jack's, his heart and body. That realisation was a turn on and he claimed his lover's mouth in a hot kiss that would leave bruises later. For now, Jack gave his body to Ianto and was his in return.

"Oh, god!" exclaimed an appalled and feminine Welsh voice. Gwen gave a nervous laugh, making them look at her. She hurried out of the Hothouse, the two men picking up their shirts and following her.

She tried apologising for walking in on them like that, but they didn't let her, Jack using his line about needing her help for Naked Hide and Seek. Ianto went along with it, saying, "He _always_ cheats," as he buttoned his shirt.

Then she asked again about having her own project to investigate the recent disappearances and negative Rift spikes. Again, Jack made it perfectly clear that she was to leave it, and asked if Ianto was coming back into the Hothouse, to which the answer was yes. Before disappearing back inside the Hothouse, Ianto told Gwen about the parcel on her desk and went back to join Jack in what would probably become a little rough sex, thanks to the sudden change of mood. He found that he didn't quite mind things spiced up a bit.

**V.**

It was the longest day of their lives, and the most heart-breaking. Tosh and Owen – gone. Jack's baby brother - gone. It had been a day of loss and betrayals, for Jack most of all.

Ianto knew just by looking at him that he was broken. He steered Jack towards the shower and turned the water on hot before removing the clothes from him and nudging him into the cubicle, standing guard to make sure he washed himself. When he was sure that Jack had been in there long enough he reached an arm inside the shower to turn off the water. He wrapped Jack in a towel and dried him off before finding some pyjamas to put him in. Jack didn't struggle once.

Ianto sat him down on the couch by the entrance to the hub. "Wait there," he ordered, his voice gentle, as if he were talking to a young child. "I'm going to make some tea."

Jack didn't respond.

Ianto went to make the tea and was just putting the tea bags in when a familiar pair of arms slid around his waist. Sighing, he turned around and put his own around Jack, holding him tight and letting him cry on his shoulder. He felt Jack's shakes and could feel his shirt getting wet, but he didn't care – Jack needed him.

Ianto stroked Jack's hair, still pressed up against him. He knew that Jack needed this closeness, the feel of another human body. He could not imagine the horrors of being buried underground for two thousand years, but he could see how traumatised the other man was after going through just that. Dwelling on the subject and seeing the pain Jack was in caused Ianto's eyes to fill with tears, though he tried to control his breathing. One man in a sobbing mess was quite enough.

As if sensing that Ianto was upset too, Jack's grip on him tightened, and he buried his head further into Ianto's shoulder. The younger man adjusted into this new position and tried to stop his tears. But they just kept on coming. Both men trembled in the closer than close embrace, holding onto each other for dear life.

Ianto hadn't realised that his own eyes were closed until he heard footsteps and opened them. _Gwen._ She took one look at the mess the two men were in, and whispered, "Do you need anything?" Her voice was hoarse.

Ianto shook his head. "Go home, Gwen," he murmured. It was a suggestion, not an order.

She swallowed, and nodded. "Take care of him," she said with a glance at their broken leader.

"I will," he promised.

When she was gone, Jack spoke for the first time in what felt like hours. "I failed them," he whispered, voice muffled by Ianto's shoulder. "I failed all of them."

Ianto almost gaped at the untruth. "No. No, you did _not_ fail them, Jack. You did all that you could. And so did they."

Jack lifted his head from the Welshman's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "I don't want to be alone tonight." His old eyes that had seen far too much were red from crying, and they were begging. Begging not to be left alone.

"You won't be. I'm not leaving you, I promise." Ianto's voice was firm. He slipped out of the embrace and took Jack's hand in his instead. "Let's go home," he said, and led Jack out of the hub.

**VI.**

Ianto and Gwen were cleaning up the hub. There was a lot to do – things had broken or fallen over everywhere and the whole place was a mess. With only the two of them, the job took much longer than it should have, especially as they kept bumping into each other or purposefully making each other's jobs take longer, laughing all the while. After the despair of being invaded had passed and their planet was back in its proper location, they were both high on life.

Ianto could be found sprinkling dust into Gwen's hair and ignoring her shrieks when Jack came back into the hub via the invisible lift. "Good evening, you two," he greeted them. "Did ya miss me?"

"You're back!" exclaimed Gwen.

"Didn't have time to miss you," Ianto answered truthfully.

Jack pouted, and looked around the hub. "What did you do to the place?" he asked. "It's in even worse shape than it was when I left."

"We're sorry?" Gwen and Ianto shrugged.

"Okay, it's not your fault," Jack decided, much to Ianto's relief. It really wasn't their fault, and he didn't want to be held responsible for a mess caused by something outside their control. Jack began to say something else, but was distracted by the sight of – "Is that a _Dalek_?" he spat.

"What? Oh, yeah." Ianto was suddenly relieved that the spent bullets had been the first things swept up and disposed of; he didn't want their boss to know that they had tried shooting at an alien that was known to Torchwood to be bulletproof.

"But how did…" Jack looked at Gwen and Ianto with awe.

"A program of Tosh's," Gwen responded.

"A time lock," added Ianto.

"Of course," Jack replied, like it was only natural that their dead colleague would save them. "Now," he said, "do we have any other work to do?"

"Other than tidying up this pigsty? No."

"And that can wait until tomorrow. Let's all go home. Shall we?" Jack extended his arms to both Ianto and Gwen, who took one each, and escorted them onto the invisible lift. To Gwen's surprise, Rhys was on the Plass, obviously waiting for her. With a quick hug for both her teammates, Gwen Cooper ran to meet her husband.

Ianto turned to Jack. "Coming to my place?"

"Yes," Jack agreed. "Oh, yes. Saving the world from alien invasions really makes me horny, you know."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I know," he smirked. "But need I remind you that, unless I'm mistaken and I hallucinated the Doctor, you didn't save the world singlehandedly?"

"Never," Jack grinned. "But if you let me, I'll show you what I _can_ do singlehandedly."

Ianto leant in and kissed him. "Let's wait until we get home, eh?"

It was a short drive to Ianto's apartment, which both men were grateful for, and as soon as the door swung shut behind them, they were all over each other like rabbits, kissing and groping and tearing off clothes. Ianto hated clichés, but their clothes were dropped in a trail leading to the bedroom, where they collapsed on the bed and proceeded to have a few rounds of thankful-to-be-alive sex.

Once he'd caught his breath, Ianto turned his head to look at the glorious man beside him. "Dinner?" he asked, trailing a finger down Jack's chest.

Jack groaned. "I'm starving."

"Okay." Ianto got out of bed and padded to the kitchen. He clanged pots and dishes for a while but it was the smell and sound of sizzling steak that drew Jack out from the bedroom. He was rewarded by the sight of Ianto wearing nothing but an apron.

"Mmm, like the view." Jack licked his lips in admiration.

"You can look all you want, babe, but I'm busy at the moment."

Ianto heard Jack's jaw drop to the ground. "You…called me…_babe_?"

"Is that a problem?" he asked.

"Not from where I'm standing."

Ianto wriggled his bum in reply.


End file.
